Faithful readers of this blog are aware that I have made my long and reasonably successful career as a performance athlete, skating on thin ice. I started, fifty-five years ago, by publishing an ambitious book on the Critique of Pure Reason, despite the fact that I could scarcely read German. Having gotten away with this fraud, I went on to write two books and half a dozen articles about the thought of Karl Marx, even being so presumptuous as to offer a literary analysis of the language of the opening chapters of Das Kapital. It is as though a wannabe literary theorist were to base a deep study of Dostoyevsky on the old translations of Constance Garnett. Not content with this performance, I abruptly transferred to an Afro-American Studies department and assumed directorship of its cutting edge doctoral program. You might plausibly describe me as the Wile E. Coyote of academia, blithely racing off cliffs, only to look down too late to discover that there is nothing holding me up.
Thus set in my ways, I started this blog, and last February 20th, on the basis of no knowledge whatsoever, I advanced a theory as to why Robert Mueller had chosen to indict an obscure young identity thief, Richard Pinedo, along with some Trump campaign bigwigs. I got lucky, and enjoyed about fifteen seconds of fame as a consequence. So here I go again.
This morning, while having a cup of coffee and listening to cable news before going on my walk, I heard extensive coverage of some appalling remarks made by Rudy Giuliani in Israel yesterday. Giuliani went on for some time about the Stormy Daniels matter, stating that Melania Trump did not believe for a moment that Trump had had sex with Daniels and then proceeding to say, with much smirking and sneering, “Look at Trump’s three wives. They are classy women. Just look at Daniels. I mean, really [smirk, smirk], can you imagine it?” and so forth. This came on the same day that Trump wrote a bizarre long tweet repeating all the conspiracy theories someone or other had advanced to explain Melania’s month long absence from public view. Giuliani went on to claim that after Trump’s cancellation of the summit with Kim Jong-un, Kim had been “on his hands and knees” begging for a summit, “which is just where you want him,” Giuliani said.
All of this was bizarre, even for Rudy. The bloviators on Morning Joe tut-tutted and tsk-tsked but offered no coherent explanation for Rudy’s behavior.
Enter the thin ice skater. As I prepare to leave for Paris tomorrow, where I will be without access to my blog, save to read comments, I herewith offer two explanations and a prediction. If I am right, I shall return to cheers of the Cloud. If I am wrong, by the time I return everyone will have forgotten. Win-win.
First, Melania and Stormy. I think [on the basis, you understand, of absolutely no evidence] that Melania is livid over the public humiliation caused by the endless public discussion of her husband’s affair with a porn star. I think she has threatened to take her son and walk out of the marriage, invoking the clause in the pre-nup that gives her big bucks if Trump cheats. [How do I know there is a pre-nup? I don’t, of course.] I think behind the scenes Trump and his inner circle have been desperately trying to dissuade her from this action, and Trump’s tweet plus Giuliani’s remarks are part of a deal struck to keep her in the marriage.
Now, Kim. Giuliani’s language was pure Trump. You recall his outrageous statement about Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. In Trump’s narcissistic pre-adolescent brain, the ultimate victory is to have your enemy on his hands and knees begging.
Well, it is an absolute certainty that Kim heard of these statements by Giuliani within ten minutes of their being aired. But thus far he has not responded. Herewith my prediction: Kim will say nothing. The planning for the summit will proceed. Trump and his entourage will board Air Force One with much hullabaloo and fly off to Singapore, where he will make a big show of deplaning.
And Kim will not show up. Trump will be left high and dry, stood up, humiliated, made to look the fool with the whole world watching. At this point, my crystal ball grows cloudy. Perhaps Kim will show up after an excruciating delay. Perhaps he simply will not show up. Either way, Trump loses.
Well, I am now so far over the edge of the cliff that there is nowhere to go but down, so I shall return to packing and tweaking my Belgian talk. I wonder whether I am right.