Sixteen months ago, on April 13, 2020, I posted a righteous protest against David Palmeter’s practice of using the undo button in FreeCell on his way to achieving a 99% win rate in that online card game. Well, 2489 FreeCell games ago I adopted David’s practice and I have not lost since. Sometimes the game is easy and takes me less than three minutes to win. Sometimes I win in less than two minutes. And sometimes, after completely undoing the game and going back to the beginning several times I win an exhausting 22 minute marathon effort. Because I only had a 97% win rate when I started, it will take me forever to drag myself up to the 99% mark but I am now at 98.4% and if I live long enough I may actually see 99% when I check the statistics.
Consider this my humble and long-delayed acknowledgment of
David’s superior wisdom in these matters.
Prof. Wolff,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your win record in that game, which I know nothing about, since I do not own a smart phone.
I am writing separately about a subject which has been discussed on this blog several times in the past, and that is race relations in this country.
This past week-end, in order to celebrate my 73rd Birthday, my wife, daughter and daughter’s friend went to an amusement park in Ohio where we went every year from when our daughter was 5 years old until she turned 18. It was to reminisce on past years and ride roller-coasters. The park, Cedar Point, is one of the most celebrated amusement parks in the world and we always have a good time.
The older I have gotten, the less inhibited I have become regarding speaking with strangers. I see it is an important way to have social interaction. I am often surprised at how surprised those I accost are that a stranger would speak to them. I also enjoy people watching. Now, the park is located in Sandusky, Ohio, which, in all likelihood voted for Trump this past election. And the clientele at the park are mostly working class people looking to have a good time after a week’s hard work and finally getting outside after the pandemic. Outside, we did not wear masks, but put masks on when we entered a store or restaurant. And on this visit, I had three main observations:
1. There were a lot of obese people eating french fries smothered in cheddar cheese.
2. There were many more people with tattoos all over their arms and legs than I remembered in the past, many of whom were very attractive and did not need to turn their bodies into a canvas in order to be noticed - something I do not understand. There were also a lot of attractive African-American women with long braided hair running down their backs.
3. My most troubling observation, however, has to do with race relations. There were many groups of people, both Black and White, but I saw very little interaction among them. I had the sense not so much of hostility between them, but of distrust. For example, at one station serving food (hot dogs, fries, drinks) there was an African-American couple sitting at the same table with a Caucasian couple. I could tell that they were not together. They made no eye contact, and did not speak to one another. When I sit at a table with strangers, I say hello and try to strike up a conversation. In this case, there was no interaction, or any effort to interact. And it was not just a case of strangers of different races, not interacting. I noticed that there were few groups attending the park together which were racially mixed.
Occasionally, maybe three instances the whole day, I saw a group of four or five people together of mixed races. But that was it. So, while there may be interactions between races in contexts where they have to interact, e.g., work, out in the rest of the world they appear to avoid interaction, which I think is not a good sign for our overcoming the racist history of our country.
(Continued.)
While waiting on line for the rides, I watched the different racial groups, and still no interaction, even thought they were standing next to each other. So I decided to start a conversation with an African-American man who was standing near me in line. I noticed that he had a tattoo of a woman on his arm, striking a very seductive pose. I also noticed that he was wearing a wedding ring. So, I jokingly asked him how his wife felt about his tattoo. He responded, “That is my wife.” I laughed. He said it was supposed to be Bettie Page, the 1950’s pin-up star. I remarked that the tattoo looked like Rita Hayworth. He responded that he had heard of her. I asked if he could get the internet on his smart phone. He indicated that he could, so I said that one of the most seductive scenes in cinema history is a performance by Rita Hayworth in the movie “Gilda,” in which she performs a modest strip-tease as the sings the song “Put The Blame On Mame, Boys” and recommended that he check it out. He looked it up, and watched his phone, but he never picked the conversation up again. I considered asking him what he thought of the performance, but decided to let it go. We proceeded waiting on line, but he kept looking away and made no eye contact with me.
ReplyDeleteLater that same day, we were on line for one of the more juvenile rides. There was an African-American woman in her mid-thirties with three young boys, about 6, 7 and 9. The 7-year old was wearing a cap which said “NY.” So I asked him, in front of his mother, if he was from Brooklyn. His mother said, “No, we are from upstate New York.” Her tone was not friendly. I thought, did she think I was suggesting that they were poor because they lived in Brooklyn? I said that I have relatives that live in Brooklyn. She did not respond and looked away.
I did not have this experience when I started talked with Caucasians. I had several pleasant conversations with White people waiting in line. We did not talk about politics or anything, just about their experience at the park, where they were from, etc.
As I said, I did not sense hostility (although it may have been hostility), so much as distrust, a distrust that does not bode well for our country’s future. Is the distrust warranted? I would say Yes and No. But the distrust I sensed was reciprocal between the races on the part of the Caucasian groups. I do not resent being distrusted. But just as much as I deplore Whites distrusting Blacks, I would have preferred that the African-Americans I tried to start a conversation with had not assumed that I am a hypocrite or a racist simply based of the color of my skin.
I asked my daughter what she thought, and she said that people generally don’t like talking with strangers, it makes them uncomfortable, like its an invasion of their personal space. I responded that I thought that was silly and sad.
I did have one enjoyable exchange with a young African-American woman. She was at an information booth and asked her for a map of the park. She was cheerful and friendly. I complimented her on her braided hair, and she thanked me. I then asked her if she was from Ohio; she indicated she was from Texas and was working as an intern at the park. I asked her how she liked Ohio, and she responded not so much. I was wearing my University of Michigan cap (which did receive some good natured joshing at several venues), so I said, “Maybe that’s because Ohio went for Trump in the last election. You might enjoy Michigan more – it went for Biden.” She laughed and said maybe that’s it.
I would welcome responses to my comment and observations. Was I expecting too much; am I reading too much into this; was my daughter right?
Last I was playing Freecell, I gathered the impression that when you are logged in using a player name you cannot undo moves. Of course, it wouldn't be fair if you could just back up when you made a mistake, but this is given that you're in 'competetive mode'.
ReplyDeleteI'm aware that you claim a son who achieved U.S. chess champion!
Oh how I love that headline!
ReplyDeleteAnother,
ReplyDeleteI find it harder to strike up conversations with strangers as I get older. People like to talk to young people because they're more physically attractive and innocent.
People don't try to strike up conversations with me, although they often ask me for directions.
When I was younger, I struck up conversations with strangers because I wanted to talk to them, while now when I strike up a conversation with someone I don't know, it's generally to size them up politically, socially and psychologically. I sense that you're sizing up people too. People sense that and that makes them uncomfortable.
However, when there is a real conversation topic in common, I can begin a conversation with a stranger. I was waiting for my new ID card in the Registro Civil, a long long process and I saw a city councilman and gay activist who appears in TV political panel discussions waiting too. I approached him, introduced myself and suggested that we talk politics to kill the time. We spent at least an hour conversing pleasantly.
I wasn't sizing him up and drawing up a sociological profile in his case, I was looking forward to a good political conversation.
s s wallerstein,
ReplyDeleteActually, my motive is not to size people up. I really do not want to know their political or social views, out of concern that it might touch a nerve with me and it will deteriorate into an argument.
I do it to be sociable (something which some commenters on this blog believe I am incapable of), to demonstrate to people, regardless what their political views are, that we can engage in sociable, small talk without being antagonistic or cerebral. I believe we need to talk to each other more often, regardless our political views. This may, over time, make this country (the U.S.) less polarized.
s. wallerstein,
ReplyDeleteThe double "s" was an error, not a sarcastic reference.
I didn't even notice that until you called it to my attention.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you observe people very closely and that freaks "normal" people out. "Normal" people just socialize, they don't observe each other much, they socialize "naturally".
"Naturally" is between quotation marks because it's not "natural", it's learned shared social codes.
In no way, am I criticizing you. Observing others is a sign of intellectual curiosity. I pride myself on being an acute observer of human behavior and psychology.
On the other hand, when people notice that they're being observed (such as the guy watching the sexy video in Youtube), they generally become defensive and close up.
I'm not usually esp comfortable initiating conversations w strangers, though occasionally I will in particular contexts. I did initiate a brief conversation w an African American woman and her two teenage children in the lobby of a movie theater after we had just seen the same movie several weeks ago (it was _In the Heights_). The conversation was brief and didn't really go anywhere, which may be not so much a reflection of distrust or hostility as of the fact that people are sometimes more comfortable conversing w those w whom they intuit that they will have something in common. That said, the amt of tension betw the races may be higher in the US now than it's been in a while, for obvs reasons, and that may be reflected in a reluctance to have interchanges, however "casual" and "sociable". This is just speculation, obvs. Coates's _Between the World and Me_, a book I had a mixed reaction to, offers one perspective on some related matters from the pov of a youngish, thoughtful, and now very well-known African American writer.
ReplyDeleteLFC,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your input.
I do not disagree (agree?) that the reluctance of a stranger, particularly of a different race, to engage in an unsolicited conversation does not necessarily indicate hostility or distrust. But in some cases it does, and it may not be easy to parse the source of the reluctance out as between discomfort or distrust. In the case of the mother of the three boys I refer to above, I did sense hostility. It could of course be that she was having a tough day, walking around an amusement park in the heat with three young boys. Perhaps she is a single mother abandoned by the father of their children, I don’t know. I just think that it is civil to respond in a friendly, rather than an unfriendly, manner when a stranger makes an effort to engage in polite conversation, regardless of their race. I have never rebuffed, and would never rebuff, anyone, regardless their race, religion or gender, who spoke to me a friendly manner. Yesterday I had a pleasant experience with a stranger (Caucasian). I went to the post office but had forgotten to bring my mask. I saw a gentleman leaving the post office without a mask and asked if they were still requiring that patrons wear masks, as they had been as of my last visit. He responded that there was no longer a sign requiring mask wearing, but most everybody in the post office was wearing a mask. As I tried futilely to tie my handkerchief around my mouth and nose, he returned from his car and offered me a mask, saying as he did so that the mask was new and unused. I took it and thanked him. I was quite surprised and pleased to have experienced his graciousness. Would he have done the same thing if I had been African-American? I would like to think so. If I had been African-American, would I even have asked him the question? Based on my experience, probably not. I just think it is a sad state of affairs.
There is an insurance commercial that is frequently aired on TV (I don’t remember the company). It shows a Caucasian couple and an African-American couple sitting at a restaurant table outdoors, conversing and laughing together. I have not seen anything comparable in real life, and watching the commercial, I think to myself, “If only.”
I would echo LFC, particularly on this: "people are sometimes more comfortable conversing w those w whom they intuit that they will have something in common." (I had a whole comment typed out earlier, but I scrapped it, as it was sounding too much like Larry David!)
ReplyDeleteI nodded at this, too: "I asked my daughter what she thought, and she said that people generally don’t like talking with strangers, it makes them uncomfortable, like its an invasion of their personal space. I responded that I thought that was silly and sad." I agree with both sides here! It is silly and sad, and makes for a frustratingly lonely existence. But it's just how things are, IMO. There seems to be a decent amount of academic commentary on the States/West as increasingly characterized by extreme individualism, and thus by isolation, alienation, distrust. Off the top of my head, I think there's a popular book called Bowling Alone that goes into this. And I used to be able to quote the figure (maybe in the 'teens or 20s, but maybe even greater!) representing the percentage of adults that report having zero friends, zero intimate ties.
(At a certain point, though, I can't really trust my own reads on this stuff, what with the whole "socially anxious introvert with AS traits" package.)