In his characterization of the dynamic structure of the
mind, Freud employs the metaphor of a Censor who guards the boundary between
the unconscious and consciousness, preventing unacceptable wishes, fantasies, and
memories from erupting into our awareness.
At night, he suggest, the Censor's guard is down, so that some of that
repressed content finds its way into dreams, albeit in altered form. I got up in the middle of last night, as I do
every night, and spent an hour or so reading my e-mail, checking news stories
and opinion blogs, and playing games of FreeCell. As often happens, there was a message from
FaceBook that I had a number of "pokes" and visits to the FaceBook page
one of my former students persuaded me to sign up for several years ago. Usually, I simply delete these eruptions from
the world of social media, but last night, for some reason, I clicked on the
link and read through the many entries on my FaceBook page.
I am by nature a private person, for all my public persona as a genial story teller. I count very few people as my real friends,
and have always thought of myself as someone who does not have a talent for sociability. Although I feel a genuine love for my
students, I do not spend time "hanging out" with them. As I often remark, I have lived most of my
life in my head.
But as I paged down through the long series of messages
posted on FaceBook, many of them dating back half a year, none of which I had
read, I suddenly felt immersed in a warmth of feeling that is quite unfamiliar to me. Most of the messages were from
students and colleagues with whom I had shared time in the W. E. B. DuBois
Department of Afro-American Studies at the University of Massachusetts. There were Manisha Sinha and Jim Smethurst
and Tanya Mears and Cristy Tondeur and Andrew Rosa and Karla Zelaya and countless
others, wishing me happy birthday [these from last December], telling me of
their triumphs, posting pictures of political demonstrations, "liking"
this, that, or the other.
As I read through the messages, all the way to the end, I
had what I am embarrassed to describe as a Sandra Dee moment. Unbidden, the thought came to me, "They
like me, they really like me."
Those sixteen years in the Afro-Am Department were the
happiest of my half century long career.
I am prouder than I can say of what we achieved then, and I glory in the
triumphs of my former students -- their doctorates, their books, their careers
-- as though they really were my children.
As I say, all of this took place in the middle of the
night. It was dark, save for my computer
screen, and the Censor was nodding, allowing these feelings to make their way
into my conscious mind where I could acknowledge them.
It seems infra
dignitate to call this a Sandra Dee moment.
Let me say, rather, that it was for me a Mr. Chips moment.
2 comments:
Chips is better, especially since it was Sally Field.
Oh dear, you are right. I knew Sandra Dee didn't sound right. Sigh. What good is it getting old if you can't tell the difference between Sally Field and Sandra Dee?
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